This
murky white beast stood in front of me looking like he didn’t want me to jump
on his back no more than I wanted to.
‘It
will be fine,’ the guy said to me.
Dressed
in his blue American basketball vest and matching gangster hat, I thought it’s
alright for you to say. You do this for living. I was urged on by the people
around me. A young couple from Arizona, a kid no older than nine that must have
thought I was a right faggot, and a man from Texas who was four times the size
of his horse and declared ‘I don need a heeeelmet! I’m fruuum Texas!
I
still weren’t sure. I mean, it was bareback for a start. Which I imagined would
be uncomfortable for both me and the horse. It stunk as well. I don’t really
know if that’s normal for horses, as this was the closest I had ever been to
one, and with good reason. It can run faster than me, it’s bigger than me, and
it smells worse than me. That can’t be a good sign, can it?
The
instructor came over to me and said, ‘look, I have given you da sloooowest
horse. O.K? If he iz going to fast fa ya just say “wooow Cam”. That was the
horse’s name. Cam. I was glad of that, because I would imagine if you wanted it
to stop you would have to say his name quick, so I was happy he wasn’t called
Mr Boombastic or Dimitri or something I couldn’t really pronounce.
Right
then, I thought. If that’s how it is, I suppose I better give it a go. I got up
close, put my right leg on the box that gave me a leg up and my left followed.
I slowly moved myself over the horse’s body, and the guy held his reins and
kept him steady whilst I sat down.
‘God,
he’s proper bony isn’t he. I don’t think I like this. I can feel all his back
bones. He can’t like that. I wouldn’t like that. Doesn’t he mind? I’m not light
ya know.’
The
man replied, ‘it iz a fine, dey a used to it.’
I
didn’t like it. Worst of all, my girlfriend, Sam, was sat on the horse in
front, and she was laughing at me and telling me I’ll be fine.
I’ve
only ever been on one animal before. Well, apart from the Donkey’s at
Bridlington beach where you just get led by an old guy who can’t walk properly,
and all the donkey does is crap, shake its head a lot and keep its legs moving.
No, the only other animal I’ve sat on was a camel. I felt quite safe on that
because they don’t really buck like horses, they just sit down a lot. I would
probably sit down a lot if I was carrying two or three people on my back
through a desert too. It can’t be comfortable, can it?
As
I was the last one on the horses in the group, they began to move shortly after
I said I’ll stay on the horse so long as it doesn’t go fast. I wasn’t happy
though. It’s a lot higher when you’re up there, and I didn’t have a clue what I
was doing.
The
horse started moving, and after a few minutes, I got use to it. And I began to
settle down a little.
All
was good until the journey to the beach took us down a massive inclining hill
that had rocks and boulders crumbing away in all directions, and there was
running water trickling in-between the bits of rock, and there were trees
hanging overhead that were just at the right height to clothes-line you off a
horse if it decided to move quickly.
Mine
was walking slow like an old man with a stick at the back of the group, and
Sam’s was just in front. Hers kept taking her under the low hanging branches,
which was funny. The trainer said the horse was doing it on purpose and just to
tell him off. Sam couldn’t tell someone off – she wouldn’t know how to. So of
course, it just kept doing it. Mine was alright really, I’d settled down a bit,
and a short ten minutes later down all of those rocks and rubble, we arrived at
Zanzibar beach. It looked lovely. The sea was a type of blue you see in oil
paintings, and the green in the surrounding forest tree’s made it look like an
oil painting. We were led down the beach were the trainer said he would take
some pictures of us. I gave him my camera and he got both of our horses to go
side by side.
The
guy then did something I didn’t expect. He stood sideways on top of his horse,
which was still trotting along comfortably. He crouched and took photos from
all angles, and stood in every direction. What a nutter. There’s me, scared of
sitting on one, and he casually stands on his like that’s normal, as it’s
trotting along. He didn’t ever seem concerned or unsteady, which surprised me
really because horses are quite unpredictable aren’t they?
He
told me before hand when we getting our helmets on, ‘trust your horse and it
will trust you.’ I think mine wouldn’t be sure whether to trust me or not yet,
as the only thing I had said to it so far was ‘woooo Cam.’
After
taking a short rest off the horses and being slapped with Aloe Vera leaves by a
woman who beat them across my back, and then tried to convince me that I should
buy some off her, we got back on the horses.
‘O.k.
Next, we are going into da sea.’ He said.
I
thought he defiantly is nuts if he thinks I’m taking me horse for a swim. I was
reluctant to sit on him let alone go for a paddle in the Caribbean Sea. How do
I know if he trusts me enough to do that or not? It’s quite a big jump in our
relationship. I mean, barely twenty minutes earlier I didn’t know his name. I
felt like we’d come a long way in a short space of time, but going swimming
together? I wasn’t sure about this.
‘How
can we go in the sea, won’t he drown?’ I asked.
‘No
man, dey a fine. Dey can swim, ya.’
‘Yeah,
so can I, but not with another person on my back. It’s a bit much to ask
really, isn’t it? “Ey mate, I know we’ve just met, but do you think you can
take me for a swim on your back?” I don’t know if he’d like that or not.’
‘He’ll
be fine. All ya have to do iz hold da reins, and he’ll do da rest. O.K?’
‘Yeah,
alright mate. If you say so.’
We
waited ‘till our turn and then led the horses into the water. I still wasn’t
convinced. I’d never been on a horse before today. Now I was riding one in the
sea. It went in, and the water was quite warm actually.
It
went further in, and I could feel my legs clinging to its fur. We had gone in
almost the horses head height. This was mad. But then Sam’s horse just suddenly
stopped, and wouldn’t move. Then mine stopped, and wouldn’t move. We heard
shouts from the shore from the guy who was telling us to move and shouted ‘what
a ya doin man!’ We didn’t know what he meant until we looked around us in the
water. The horses had led us into the water loo for the horses. There were just
turds everywhere. Shit as big as a TV set just floating towards us and all
around us.
I
couldn’t believe it. I knew he didn’t trust me. I certainly didn’t trust him
now. This brought a whole new meaning to being up to your neck in shit. They
eventually turned around and led us back to the shore. Cheers mate. Loved that.
Nice one.
When
we got to the shore the guy had asked us why we did that. I felt like saying
‘what, you mean to say you don’t have a shit fetish?’ I dried off with a towel,
and got back onto the horse. The man said some of us could canter up and down
the beach if we felt comfortable. I decided, sensibly, that me old Cam had come
far enough for a first date. The bounds of our trust were kind of hanging by a
thread anyway. Taking him for a run? I would imagine I could go faster if he
was on my back. I don’t think he really had the appetite to move much.
The
Texan began cantering down the beach. He lost control and almost fell off. The
woman of the couple from Arizona did the same, except she did come off; she was
hanging sideways one foot in the stirrup and clutching the reins. The trainer
just looked at us and said ‘She iz a very stupid.’ I agreed. What he didn’t
realise what that her bloke was stood next to him. He said nothing though, so
I’m guessing he probably agreed too. He had to live with her after all.
When
we all collected ourselves back together, we were led back up the hill we first
came down with the rocks and water. Cam regained some of my trust as he kept a
good pace and didn’t take me into anymore shit. Sam’s horse kept going into the
overhanging branches. I think he might have just been a bit blind. When we got
back to the top, we slowed and the trainer grabbed the reins so we could get
off. I quite enjoyed it I think, by the end. Apart from the being dragged
through a massive pile of horse crap. I don’t think I’d do it again in a hurry
though, although, it was definitely better than riding a camel.
If
I’m honest, as much as I got used to it, I’m not sure about doing it every day
as a job like that guy. Imagine that, just standing on a moving horse trotting
down a beach. Even in St Lucia, I don’t think I could do that. But I quite
enjoyed my little time there. Just me and Cam, horsing around in the Caribbean.
