Recently
I have been quite simply amazed by the number of people that I can pass on a daily
basis that seem to be disgruntled, or at least, are suffering a severe case of
IFS (irritable face syndrome). When it comes to remembering to do the simplest
of basic human responses, smiling (the art of moving ones lips in an upward
curling position, potentially showing a little bit of teeth in the process –
this I should point out is not the Oxford Dictionary definition, although I
would say this is a far more accurate description, wouldn’t you say?), is a
gesture that seems to have bypassed many people in their respective lives. Take
for instance this very morning. I happened to be driving along in a very normal
and usual manner indeed when upon coming to a very slim piece of British road
network, cars at either side must give way in order for the routinely deft
continuation that is life – more prominently, driving to work – can be carried
out without the need for a nuclear air strike upon 22 Myboringface Road, Hull.
I stopped to let a car squeeze through
a gap on my side of the roadway, and then commenced to set off again, until coming
to another gap only sizable enough for one car to pass through, and so, with
noticing the slow reactive impulse of my opposite number, I commenced to set
off through the gap, only when I reached the point of passing I found I was
halted in my progress by a woman with a large trident who had stood atop her
vehicle possessing a countenance that may have been borrowed from a wild
animal. Her eyes vindictive, her brows furrowing in a straight bushy line
crossing over the majority of her upper face, her attire; a dark cape of doom
that flapped in the wind revealing a car and crossbones, and then, she spoke;
‘No car shall pass by me: for I am Thunderbitch.’
I covered my face with raised palms.
How could it be?
I quickly dipped my head under the
steering wheel to avoid her deathly gaze, and donned my quick change outfit to
fight the darkness that is Thunderbitch.
What I am about to tell you is top,
top secret, and my identity will be revealed (meaning you are very privileged
to know this and have to keep this to yourselves or I shall inform the Superheroes
council and render that you be destroyed by Doomface at once.)
Thunderbitch couldn’t believe her
eyes as I stood atop the car, my mask angled slightly to the left to support my
lazy right eye and slightly bumpy nose; Smileyguy was ready.
‘Oh no. It’s you’ Thuderbitch
growled.
‘Yes, it is I, Smileyguy!’ I
replied, teeth all showing.
We
exchanged glances for a few moments, the other car drivers dipped behind their
steering wheels, peering over in intervals, the on-looking crowd of passersby hiding
behind lampposts and fences, taking cover where appropriate. I summoned my hand
up to the sky and struck to make the first move. I waved.
Thunderbitch couldn’t believe what
was happening. Her gloomy face scowled further into an irritable convulsion
somewhere between constipation and snubbing a toe.
My hand was still waving, my mouth
gazing widely, teeth penetrating her cloak of scowling, in a gleaming white
shine. I could see she was weakening, as she went to one knee, I used my ultra
happy power of fist-pumping party motion followed by a short burst of jazz
hands and thus, with a thud and gloomy cloud passing over, withdrawing into a
small metal heaped shell, the dual was over.
We motioned towards each other, her
countenance a mixture of shock and disapproval, but her scowl had lightened
slightly, as my hands gripped the steering wheel, and I manoeuvred past, and
continued my shining gaze to the queuing patrons behind who were susceptible to
my power, as Thunderbitch was defeated.
When
I left the house this morning, I never expected it would have come to this. But
you see, I am forever sampling a series of unsmiling, seemingly, miserable
people en route to almost any destination; to work, the gym, the Post Office,
dentist (though I am sympathetic to this one). I cannot alleviate all doom
alone though, for the power of Smileyguy is only as strong, or strengthened by
the smiles of those who surround him in the wider world. It is up to you,
reader – and now, with your wider contextual knowledge of superheroes powers
that are possessed upon this Earth – to dispel and create positive smiley faces
upon your own countenances to defeat Thunderbitch and Moaningman. For I cannot
do this alone.
So today, as you take upon your
journeys to respective destinations; whether on foot, in your metal living
quarters, or even the dreaded public transportation, take it upon yourself to
smile. And smile widely too. For all of those thunderclouds out there that pass
us by, remember, there is great power in smiling.
